it's never fair.

Generally it was a good evening. I must say PDOP was really good:) felt so moved to pray for the different schools but i also have to say there were alot of thoughts running through my mind as i was praying. Just alot of thoughts about my relationship with God, and if my cup is too full that nothing can go in anymore. Alot of the thoughts i cannot process,i just know it's bugging me. so i dont really know how to share..


I think the change in mood was when i called home and asked if my dad could pick me, but my mum said he wanted to watch TV and asked me to come back on my own. I was thinking to myself, if you can pick my brother mon wed fri from school every week, why cant you pick me just this once? so many times you ask me if i wanted you to come pick me but i said no need it's so far away, yet this once i ask i get rejected. i mean i take it as a sign you trust me more then my brother in making my own way back, so if that is so you cant trust me with the car?in the end i took cab home anyway. Makes no difference. Just whether i spent the money on cab or your money on fuel. Not that you're going to read this anyway. Just needed to vent my hurt and anger a little. i need to sleep i guess. Staying up till so late plus overload of school work is not exactly the best combination.

i wonder if one day i would look back and cringe at this post.