so tonight is one of those nights were i feel incredibly stupid, and totally hate myself for saying stupid things and being so insecure. i wonder if that is a psychological disorder of some sort. maybe i'm just tiring myself out too much. when i'm tired i start to think rubbish thoughts and say rubbish things. oh well live with no regrets heh..look who's the big hypocrite here..

So, to the only person i know reads my blog,
i'm really sorry if i asked those stupid questions just now, i should learn to trust you more, and not think so much. Remind me how much you mean to me once in a while alright?

Just thought of this song in the bathroom.

Come Holy Spirit
Fall afresh on me
Fill me with Your power
Satisfy my needs
Only You can make me whole
Give me strength and make me whole
Come Holy Spirit
Fall afresh on me

Amos resolves to not thinking so much.
Amos also resolves to starting a food business.
Amos also resolves to putting in the effort into friendships.
Amos also resolves to work towards having child-like faith.
Amos resolves to have a positive outlook on life.
Amos resolves to think simply.
Why is Amos resolving again? :p

Relationships is like playing a game of Solitaire. There are times, espicially at the start, when everything is just smooth flowing, the cards come out well, place the cards in the right order, start to form up the suits starting with the Kings, and it is generally easy and fast to play, but ever so often, we reach a point in time where we just sit there stumped(or at least i do!) and we cannot figure out what to play next. We ponder and stress over it for the longest time, entertaining thoughts of giving up and think of moving to an easier game.
But if we persevere, we soon find that many times, the answer is actually right in front of us. We're just not looking in the right place, or just trying to find every possible link but never the answer which is sitting right in front of us. And at the end of the game, it is all worth it:)

so many times in relationships, the moment we hit a road block,our minds start to lose focus and we stop putting in effort. Then we slowly slip away from that relationship. Well i'm not gonna kid you guys, it takes effort to maintain a friendship/relationship. Just the same way it applies to our relationship with God. we have to put in effort.

Carpe Diem. Seize the day. I think a series of events happening around me has once again drilled in the thought that Jesus is our only certainty. This thought has always been randomly passing in and out of my mind, but since i have a blog now i can actually write it down. Thus i have attached the song, Jesus my Certainty onto my playlist because it's so true. He is our only certainty. Pastor Steven Wee, wrote this song in about 10 mins, a few days after Sept 11.

So as the song "Everybody Get Walkin' ", a children song by Jana Alayra says "Choose this day, wont you listen wont you obey" Live life with few regrets. And never forget to remind someone that you love them or they mean something to you:).

(The last paragraph was written on a wimp, so pardon the ultra cheery words, i'm still emo.)
- HOUSE humour.

Just another encouraging thought, we fear uncertainty, we fear pain, we fear sadness. But you know when we open our hearts to Jesus, He didn say there would be no more pain or sadness; but He did say there is certainity, in Him and even though there is pain and sadness, He promises to give us peace. And we can face uncertainty with a peace that can only come from Him:)

this one's for you

Insecurity. Everyone is insecure. It is what we choose to put our faith/trust in that defines how secure one is. Ironic isn't it? For example, many people put their security in academics. Why? because facts dont lie. That is the biggest argument for Facts VS Value, and House's biggest argument. And that is why he never lets anyone in.

oh well. beneath the cheery exterior, and the caring attitude, is the person who is most needy, gratifying ones crave for attention by trying to fulfill the needs of others need for attention. But then some would say cheerfulness and being caring is an overflow of one's character. Yea it is. But going that extra extra's mile requires more then character. it might also require a tunnel vision attitude in seeing someone happy, and gaining joy from that. RAWR what a whole lot of crap trying to be emo. but as the song says, "Lord You see me":)

opening myself to you ain't the easiest thing in the world for me to do. Everyone might think they know me, but people who really know me inside out thus far, i could probably count with 1 hand.

so generally, to anyone, many of the few who read my blog probably treasure our friendship, but know this, i need you as much as you need me:) most of the time we're just too proud/ignorant to be able to say it..

By right this post should end with a prayer or a verse to make it all Christian-like right, well God likes in my Heart. no point trying to act holy. Walk the talk:)

it's been a long time since i blogged, the way i check my blog, it's like i'm expecting it to update by itself. HEH

Relatively normal week, besides that wonderfully mind stimulating Modern vs Post Modern Chat we had on Wednesday as part of the FES student consultation. Hanging out with such intellectual people really reminds me how little i know and how my arguments usually do not have much weight, and they're all based more on values then on facts. Which was another thing that we talked about too, Facts VS Value.

Came across an awesome song on someone's blog, it must be predestined for me to hear her eventually, seeing how everyone's been talking about her yet i still do not know who she is. Marie Digby. Dawn asked if i heard about her on tuesday night, and she compared her to Colbie Caillat. Here's her wonderful song with lyrics:)



Say It Again
the thing about love
is i never saw it coming
it kind of crept up
and took me by surprise
and now there's a voice inside my heart
its got me wondering
is it true..? I wanna hear it one more time
move in a little closer
take it to a whisper
just a little louder...

Say it Again for me
cause i love the way it feels
when you are telling me that i'm
the only one who blows your mind
say it again for me
it's like the whole world
stops to listen
when you tell me you're in love...
say it again

the thing about you
is you know just how to get me
you talk about us
like there's not end in sight
the thing about me
is that i really wanna let you
open that door
and walk into my life
move in a little closer
take it to a whisper
just a little louder..

Say it Again for me
cause i love the way it feels
when you are telling me that i'm
the only one who blows your mind
say it again for me
it's like the whole world
stops to listen
when you tell me you're in love..

and it feels like
it's the first time
that anybody's ever brought
the sun without the rain
never in my whole life
have i heard words
as beautiful as when you say my name..

I am super inspired by Mr Anthony Bourdain to travel the world. Just sitting in the library today reading his book, no reservations, and watching the travel series show, it would really really be my dream, to travel the world and EAT! with my beloved future wife, and a trusty dSLR camera with all the cool lens! i wanna go to Spain to watch BARCA vs REAL, italy, for seafood and pasta and Paris just to be in the city of love!! so note to myself. Go Paris while you're still young!

Just went for a haircut, this place i cut my hair in Kovan, has very good service and really good for students. But i think they're pissed that they only charge us $9 for a haircut, that they purposely screw up your hairstyle, see what they would do after cutting would be to wash and blow dry one's hair, then they would style it for you, but i hate it! their idea of cool and mine is totally different!!RAWR the amount of hair spray she used today was a new record! But oh well..its good service :p

it's crappy nights like these, when you fall asleep to a boring movie, get woken up by stupid commercials and then feel an intense hatred to an imperfect world. And wonder why can't the world be better and more love shown all around. - POST MONDAY BLUES knowing that it will be a tough and long week ahead. And Amos's guitar fund will stand at a grand total of $257(Current Balance) $415(Ledger Balance).. Suppose to have balance($900). Where did all the money go man..RAWR! The world should be saved by environmentalist and pastors

expectations. We all hate expectations. But we chose to live up to them because we want to feel that sense of achievement when we meet those expectations... But i think Expectations are good, expectations helps up grow and improve. It's sort of like having outside help in helping ourselves improve.

It's like how it's impossible to teach oneself music theory, we likewise also need to have people to be watching out for us and setting an expectation so that we mature.

The only thing we do have to be careful about is whose expectations we should meet. In essence it should only be God's expectation of excellence from us. but then one might ask, how do we know God's expectation? well, i choose to believe it would be the godly people around me, for example in my life these expectations set of me by Fuji or Ruth are the expectations i would take seriously but if it was a ridiculous expectation by a friend then i do not have to put myself under pressure and live up to their expectations:)

Recently been thinking about a lot of things, must remember to keep God first. Easier said then done..

i super need a better sense of discipline

you know i think i actually think too much most of the times.. its good in the sense that i'm better when it comes to planning events coz i usually have every base covered, but then again, i think its making my brain work overtime everyday and that is affecting my sleep!! RAWR!



i just stole my friend's CLEO to read coz i had nothing to do during attachment, and there was this article inside by this lady called Alina Berdichevsky, who has this theory that women have up to 20 personalities..I was quite amused as i read the article but there was this point she made inside there which i thought SOME people should hear about:P



The Multi Tasker - Rather then having half-assed 20 minute conversation with a friend while trying to rush your report due tommorrow, paint your nails and watch tv at the same time, focus and give all your attention for 5 minutes and it will make the tasks you complete more worthwhile.:)

This was suppose to be a weekend of rest. Apparently not! Friday was madness la. Since its MY blog, i have the right to bore people with what happened.(HEY! DONT LIKE THEN DONT READ LA!:p) and i shall attempt to write in proper paragraphs this time.

8.15am -
I need to reach the bus stop every day by about 8.13am, if i want to get to school on time. The next bus comes at like 8.35 which is too late.. So on this wonderfully faithful day, i reached the bus stop at 8.09, but lo and behold, the bus came only at 8.30! rightt.. So i was resigned to the fact that i would be late, But thank God i had 1 crazy bus driver( It's a She somemore!) i managed to reach my school's bus stop at 8.55am..Ran like crazy to scan in my thumb print. Right

9.15am -
Darius was suppose to pick me at the bus stop at 915, but i called him and he said he was rushing down from office. So he reached about 930, and his voice was super bad..Had to drop by Punggol MRT station to pick Caleb, then be at Christ Church Sec Sch by 10am. Adrenaline rush man. We were speeding so fast on the highway, all i could do was help check blind spots:P

10.00am -
Reached CCSS slightly late, ran up to the chapel and did the service for the kindies. Awesome bunch! always loved working with kindies, the most responsive group. Had to leave straight after the service though, Uncle John actually wanted to let us do some abseiling and try the flying fox, pity Darius had a meeting and Caleb had lessons at 130. Wait, i'm suppose to have lessons too!

6.45pm -
The rest of the day was just spent stoning in school before the daily 530pm checkout rush and hoping to get to CCSS on time. Today we had a special guest! Gurmit Singh! the way the kids ran up to him..But he is really a very charismatic speaker. Shared an awesome testimony. And we actually had a conversation! alright so i'm suppose to be gushing about how awesome it was talking to him right? He really is a very funny person, but you know, its already so difficult being a celebrity, when your whole life is under scrutiny all the time, what more a christian celebrity! but he's a really nice guy:)

8.00pm -
Mr Singh left under much fanfare, they even had to escort him out coz the kids were absolutely swarming him! And it was our turn! we started with "You are the One", and "It is Good to Give Thanks", before our favourite, "Can't take my Jesus Away!" i must must must must say! the band totally rocked out la! it was the coolest "Can't take my Jesus Away" i've ever done! there was some crazy Santana shredding and funny syncopations going on man! More on the band later,

8.30pm -
Teaching Session! Can you imagine, it was an air- conditioned hall, but the way me and Darius sweat, you've thought we were in some desert la, Half of his t shirt was drenched in sweat, looked almost like some 2 toned shirt. Basically for teaching, Caleb and i will walk around with 2 M&M dispensers and give out M&Ms to children whom we see are behaving themselves, but it seemed like i gave more M&Ms to leaders then children la! Darius ended with some really crazy card trick which burnt a hole through the cards! Awesome trick man

9.15pm -
Ministry time, Awesome time of ministry all 3 nights.. the first 2 i helped out with ministry but the last night i played with the band. Really saw the outflow of the Spirit upon the children and leaders and the ministry time went on for at least an hour man. Once again seeing how children, at their young age, grasp what it means to love God and know that they have sinned. Faith like a child. Never underestimate them.

Alrighty, quick tribute to the worship band whom i am totally sure will never read this
Luke - Our Rocker Drummer! Like Kevin said, be the best children ministry drummer you can be!
Kevin - Custom Electric guit, and some crazy shredding! Awesome voice
Stacy - Great keyboardist who still managed to sound so good even without a pedal!

honestly these guys are sooo good, they make even Caleb and myself sound good la. The great thing about this band is that we all have control, and we listen out for one another and not just play! If ever i could i would love to play with them again!

+ Well that's that, many lovely memories but gotta compartmentalize them aside, if God willing we shall meet/ play together again, other then that get back to reality Amos.+

SATURDAY!
Met Darius and Caleb again to finalize for them some of their children's church camp material, and went to try guitars at Davis, i'm sooooo in love with this takamine, $1500! could get a timothy s7 for that price man! Ran around to buy material and logistics..

SUNDAY!
Went to help Darius at his church Centre of New Life's Children's church. Poor guy, went back to office to do work last night untill 3am! madness! then go church, ran arounf by more stuff, then go for church camp already! Helped the kindies with their colouring, i know its super biased and all but they're soooooooo cute!! kids at their age(3-7 yrs old) just tell you everything happening in their life. There were these 2 little sisters called CLIÉ (pronounced "KLEE-AY" Latin), and Cleo:) so demanding, teach me how to colour somemore! was soooo tempted to snap a photo with them but then there was so many parents there:{ later they get the wrong idea..:P

Ok long long post, at the end of it,

i want a Oakley Icon Backpack 2.0 and a GUITAR!

All you at various church camps are remembered in my prayers:) you guys need it! Press on!

Friendships and Relationships is all about trying. The definition of trying according to dictionary.com is , "to put it to a severe test" or "to make an effort". It's my theory that most friendships and relationships( i'm just gonna say relationships now, which means both.) fail because people stop trying, or get delusional from trying. Lemme attempt to pen my thought down now.

Being humans, we can try all the time, but there is a point in time when we break, or just feel like throwing everything away. Well that's where the other party comes in and encourages. But then even if the other party tries, one can still be closed. Meaning that He/She has decided that it's not worth it anymore.

Jesus is always with us. We acknowledge that fact. But why does it seem sometimes we cannot feel His presence, worst still, we dont want His presence with us. So does that mean God has given up on us because we cannot feel His presence? i believe it comes down to us actually. We subconsciously detach ourselves from him and that's why we cannot feel his presence sometimes. But that never meant He stopped loving us, he was just waiting for us to come to the knowledge tht we need him.

Another point. No one said believing in Jesus was easy. It doesnt' mean once you invite Jesus to come into your life, the flowers start to bloom, and everything will be ok. Well that could happen, but it is an overflow of His love for you, not a definite. And after all the hype and the honeymoon period, i'm gonna be honest and say that it takes alot of effort to maintain that relationship, many of us figured well if we love God, then doing what is right or doing QT comes to us naturally, well it is actually a deliberate action we take, BECAUSE we love God.

So i guess to me it's the same in relationships, after the honeymoon period is over, it really does take an extra effort to go up to a friend and just ask "Hey, how's your day, wanna share?". Then some people might argue that i am superficial and not sincerely asking. Well ask yourself then.. it does take effort.

Ok last point of this post. i'm talking in terms of 2 friends. lets give them names. George(Boy) and Nickky(Girl). Lets say they came to a point where they had a disagreement and Nickky just kinda gives up on the friendship.. Well i think George should put in an effort and go the extra mile for Nickky, i mean sometimes as friends we really just expect the other party to put in extra effort when we're feeling so crappy, but i guess Nickky should also be receptive to the fact that George puts in effort and should be open too. The problem comes when Nickky is emo, and George cannot really be bothered. And there ends a once close friendship:( all this hypothetically speaking la.

You know if i ever read this post again i think i'm going to be so embarrassed and regret posting, but who cares!

Just wanted to share something which my friend Darius taught the kids at the Royal Rangers camp last night, i've heard it before and thought it was an awesome analogy and since i have a blog now i can write it down!

See what makes us a Christian is our walk/relationship with God, going to church every Sunday doesn't make us a christian, being involved in church activities doesn't make us a christian, because if i walk 100 times in and out of church, then does walking in and out of MacDonald's 100 times make me a hamburger? It is an awesome analogy which the kids can totally relate to:)

The Royal Rangers camp was pretty good, mainly just went at night to play for Darius, It such a privilege to be playing with the band la..The guitarist is a common friend, and i didn know the keyboardist, drummer or electric guitarist, but we were all around the same age and they were so technically gifted they made me sound so good on the bass! and i'm not good on the bass! Darius was just saying it's coz we were quite apprehensive last night coz we didn know each other's playing style, so we played very cautiously and listened well for each other. Hopefully we don't go crazy tonight and just WHACK!

ok i'm being rushed by my friends to go eat finish off with an emo post later!

ok better start posting before all my thoughts and courage abandons me..

First of all, watched Narnia just now, and i picked up a lot from the movie. The problem with me nowadays is that i cannot just take a movie at face value but have to read into every single detail of the movie.

I think one thing i took back was when Prince Caspian knelt before Aslan, Aslan told him, "Rise King of Narnia". Prince Caspian replied him saying, i do not think i have what it takes to be a king. And Aslan said to him, "You thinking you are not ready to be King is the very reason why i think you are ready to be King." What is Aslan trying to tell Caspian here? Well i interpret it like this, Caspian might not be ready to be King, but he came before Aslan humble and that was the character trait that Aslan say in him. The fact that Caspian was open and open to be taught.
Just reflecting back on my ministry; i think to myself, have i reached a point when i am so confident in my abilities that i'm no longer open to being taught? Or have i forgotten what its like to be in ministry? To be humble?

Another point i took from the movie, Pastor Steven shared with us using the LOTR analogy, i shall use the Narnia Analogy. The great battle of the Narnians against the Telmarines. To keep the long story short, Great King Peter went up against King Miraz(think Troy), in a bid to keep bloodshed low and buy them sometime, the Narnian army was pitiful and the Telmarines had a huge army. So basically it was a fight to the death, with the loser to surrender to the winner. Now the Narnians were worried because if the Telmarines charged at them they would have all died, but think of it this way, what if the Narnians knew they would win before they even fought the battle, how do you think they would have felt facing the Telmarines?

It is the same as our Christian lives, many times we are opposed by the forces of this world, they definitely look bigger, and they seem to be so much stronger and all. But all it took was for 1 man to shed His blood for us, and we won already! Its almost like the Narnians just standing there waiting as the Telmarines charged at them, and just for the fun of it, wait untill they are in striking distance, and all they say is like "Stop!BOO!" and all of them enemies run like crazy.. Well that is the power God gave to us:) that all we have to say is STOP AND OUT!

Loads of songs are running through my mind now just screaming to express how i'm feeling now, but 2 songs have been constantly stuck in my head, the first one, when ever i really feel like crap or like emo this song comes to mind "I Just Want To Be Where You Are"

Another Narnia theory, As the 4 of them plus Caspian knelt before Aslan, just take a while to think what must be running through their minds. For one, the 4 of them having been pulled back in time, finding Narnia in ruins, and Aslan but a distant memory. Caspian might be in awe of Aslan, the great legend whom had just saved his life, and also won the victory for them.

The way i see it and i know this is how i feel, if i were kneeling there, i would be thinking in my heart, everything's fine now. Aslan is here. We're safe. And I'll probably be bursting with things i want to tell Him, Questions i want to ask, and mostly just sitting in His presence with that sense of peace.

I think when things really seem gloomy and my expectation of people is not met( which is not their fault most of the time) i ask God, how come we're so imperfect, isin't there 1 person in the world i could completely rely on, and that's what brings me to love to sing this song, to really be in His presence, with that peace and comfort:)

I Just want to be Where You Are

I just want to be where You are,
dwelling daily in Your presence
I don't want to worship from afar,
draw me near to where You are


I just want to be where You are,
in Your dwelling place forever
Take me to the place where You are,
I just want to be with You

Chorus
I want to be where You are,
dwelling in Your presence
Feasting at Your table,
surrounded by Your glory
In Your presence,
that's where I always want to be
I just want to be,
I just want to be with You.

Was watching House again just now( from now on i shall say House-ing), and this patient's child was telling Dr House, People who love each other don't fight. not true. People who love each other still fight from time to time, but they forgive.

Arena Software is just killing me! Basically its a modeling software which i'm using for my FYP:(

i'm so lousy at blogging..no spirit to continue to blog..bleh:(